Cut the Mustard

2. Snacklight... Snaklite?... Oh, Snacklite!

2011-09-12T09:23:00.000-07:00

GC: After the euphoria (ML: And internet sensation) of our opening review at The Ring, we made the short journey next door to Snacklite.

ML: Once inside the takeaway option quickly became the clear winner. There is the option to eat in Snacklite but the interior seemed to resemble that of an airport that hasn’t been redecorated for 40 years that only Ryanair flies to located on the outskirts of the capital of a country that has only existed for about 10 years following a brutal dictatorship and devastating civil war. A fan dully spins in the dank air (think Platoon) and dulled mirrors give visitors the unnerving (and, whisper it, strangely erotic) sensation that unseen eyes might be watching them eat.DO: I have to admit that I had never really noticed this establishment before. The dull brown walls are offset by a non-descript brown sign, meaning that I forgot the shop existed each time I blinked. I was tempted to suggest we skip this stop on our tour but, as they say, you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. So, dazed and confused, but with moist eyeballs, we boldly stepped inside in the hope that this particular novel was not a horror.ML: I have avoided Snacklite until now for the same reason I refuse to shop in Toys R Us; if you cannot spell correctly then you cannot have my custom, however I have committed to this journey and so I went against all I believe in.

The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only.

There is no stopping in the red zone.

DO: I was pretty uninspired by the standard menu. Lots of bland options like ‘Chicken Salad’ or ‘Tuna’ were staring back at me. I was considering mixing things up by ordering ‘Tuna Salad’ before clamping eyes on the specials board. The sweet sweet specials boards. It had been written recently in free hand, which made me think that these were surely the freshest most exciting options I could choose. I just had to have one. My eyes rapidly flipped between the two options, like watching a tennis match from the moon. Then, faced with the question of ‘Yes?’ I picked ‘Chicken, Mozzarella and Sundried Tomato Mix’ on a brown bap. At £3.90, including a cake of coke, this was shaping up already to be the winner of the much coveted ‘Cut Above’ award...

And the winner of the 2011 'Cut Above' Award is...

Oh how wrong could one be... The ‘mix’ component of the filling turned out to be lashings of mayonnaise, making my sandwich wet, boring and ultimately unappetising. The chicken and mozzarella were both present in decent proportions, but were difficult to taste, and the sundried tomatoes looking spookily similar to regular tomatoes. Make no mistake I finished the sandwich, but all in all it was a very disappointing lunch. On the upside the can of coke was cold, fizzy and refreshing. 10/10 for the drink!

ML: Being suddenly thrust into the global limelight following the unprecedented success of this blog I came across all Mariah Carey on our second outing and demanded that I was to be made a brie and bacon sandwich (something that didn’t even exist on the menu). Needless to say staff suspected I was the anonymous face behind this very blog you are now reading and so rushed to satisfy my outrageous whim. The sandwich artist was slightly incredulous at my combination demands, even asking if wanted them in the same sandwich. But with a reassuring glance, and an affirming nod, I gained her trust and my sandwich was duly constructed. The only minor downside to the assembly process was caused by me not hearing a question (Do you want salt and pepper?) twice. My social faux par of requesting the tri-repetition was rewarded/avenged with more cracked black pepper than you can shake a stick, leaving a slightly bitter/peppery taste in the mouth. Other than that it was a pretty satisfying affair (although brie and bacon is a fairly idiot-proof combination).

"Salt and Pepper?" "Huh?"

"Salt and Pepper?" "Who, me?"

"SALT AND PEPPER?" "Oh right, yes please. Just a smidge tho..."

ML: It is also worth noting that Snacklite has an impressive selection of Kettle Crisps if that is your thing.

GC: While my fellow reviewers went for something a bit adventurous (despite it being a sandwich shop), they ultimately paid the price. I went for the safest option (beef and lettuce on brown) and I believe I was the most satisfied in the end. Although, to be honest, if they’d messed up this relatively simple order it would’ve been pretty shocking. I was tempted by one of the array of desserts in the window, but managed to resist...

Alright, give me a Hamm on five, hold the Mayo

Overall ratings:

· Decor - 3 angry peppercorns out of 10 (it is only a sandwich bar)

· Clientele - 6/10

· Food - 5/10 (it did the job)

· Service - 5/10

· Price – 6/10

· Toilets – None (DO: unless you count the chicken, mozzarella and sundried tomato mix)

Spend:

ML: Brie and bacon sandwich: £3.50

GC: Beef and lettuce sandwich, crisps and carton drink: £4.55

DO: The infamous chicken, mozzarella and sundried tomato mix sandwich and can: £3.90

GC: Snacklight was never going to get an incredible score as, stated previously, it is only a sandwich bar. The food was adequate, without being amazing, and is normally only my choice when I don’t have a sandwich with me. I forgot to look where our next stop will be but, based on my experience today, I’m bound to enjoy it!

1: Enter the Ring

2011-09-02T05:25:00.000-07:00

ML: Having enjoyed many a pint in The Ring in the past (not least for the hilarity of asking people if they fancied a quick one in the ring) it seemed like a comfortably familiar location to ease three intrepid food explorers into their most exciting venture to date; munching their way along The Cut.

GC: When we said we were going to The Ring, I had visions of girls crawling out of televisions and dragging me in to a well. Thankfully these visions didn’t come to fruition as we headed there for dinner (not lunch).

ML: For clarity we went there at lunchtime (middle of the day) and had lunch. The only people that might be confused by this are a few northerners and, as a rule, they don’t have access to the internet... or electricity... or the ability to read...

DO: The first thing you notice upon entry is the obvious boxing theme. The Ring was once home to a boxing gymnasium which (just about) explains the pictures of semi-naked men that litter the walls, but not the few odd-looking hunting trophies. Animal skulls and stuffed ducks are also present, raising the question of what indeed happened to all those boxers... Upon entry to the establishment we quickly secured a comfy looking corner table but, as there was only room for two on the sofa, one had to take the chair. We were going to flip a coin until someone pointed out that it rarely lands on its edge...

ML: The main focus of the menu in our first stop is Thai, so naturally both my daring dining buddies decided to order from the token ‘British’ pub section hidden at the bottom of the food choices (although I remember one of these people saying that he didn’t see the point in travel and has holidayed at Disneyland for the past 19 years - so maybe adventure isn’t his forte). I on the other hand went for Chicken Phad See Ewe (price: £6.50). I queried if it contained any lamb but was met with a blank look and a ‘no’. (join us next time for more possible sheep-based hilarity)

DO: I like British food! So sue me! We also agreed to all have something different but you didn’t mention that did you!? I’d had a very nice chicken pie recently so figured that would be a tasty bet here (price: £6.50). Unfortunately when it (finally) arrived it appeared as though it had fallen off the plate on the way to the table and then been hastily scraped back on. Then, in order to hide the taste of feet and dirt it had been drowned in gravy. However, aesthetics aside, it was fairly tasty and definitely filled a void.

GC: They unfortunately didn’t have my first choice of steak and kidney pie so I had to settle for a steak baguette with chips (price: £6.50). The sandwich was tasty enough, without being spectacular (the chips were probably the best part of the meal!) There was maybe a little too much mayonnaise, and the steak could have been chopped up a bit more, but it was decent enough... One thing we noticed was that drinks and food had to be paid for separately, as appears to be the case with several Thai-kitchened pubs...

ML: As the SAS say ‘He who dares wins’ and I was rewarded for my bold choice with the tastiest looking plate of food on arrival. Having never been to Thailand (I cannot see the point of travel) I would not be able to say how authentic my food was but I can vouch for its tastiness. Traditionally(?) presented in a big noodley pile with an accompanying token side salad, the food took a few minutes longer coming than was ideal. That being so, when it arrived I was pretty peckish and as a result may have overestimated the tastiness of the food, but I remember it being above average for Thai/pub food. The token side salad remained untouched, as is the tradition (one imagines) in Thailand.

DO: Our stomachs full, and our wallets now empty, we then sat discussing the ratings. We have a fairly standard set of judgement criteria, the final figures of which are an average of our 3 opinions. Hopefully this gives you some confidence that we aren’t just picking numbers out of a hat...

· Decor – 8 boxing gloves out a possible 10

· Clientele – 7/10

· Food – 6/10

· Service – 7/10

· Price – 7/10

· Toilets – 6/10

· Overall – 6.5/10

GC: I think we would have enjoyed it more if we had had beers with our food... stupid work...

DO: Alcohol makes everything better...

GC: The Ring is definitely a pub rather than a restaurant, but the food is good enough if you require something cheap and quick. One major downside it has as a pub though is that it is a victim of its own success... On a Friday after work it can get full very quickly.

ML: Overall a fairly good lunch and promising start to our journey. In the next few weeks you, dear reader (although I largely suspect this will just be limited to the two people I just lunched with) can join us as, like Christopher Columbus, we travel west facing excitement and discovery, and spreading disease and oppressing the locals.